Another American Friendship is Destroyed

Christmas is the Christian version of the Super Bowl. It's a time for fans to annoyingly brag and believe that they are the best and the only ones who matter. And if you don't like football, the painted faces and thrust index fingers exclaiming #1 are horribly aggravating. Most of the Christians I know keep their beliefs to themselves, but some like to remind me every chance they get of what their beliefs are and it has annoyed me for years. I try not to do that because I have a lot of respect for various beliefs, but I chose for once not to hide my lack of beliefs.

I should know better. I should know not to expect the same respect that I give to others regarding religious tolerance. I receive emails and forwards that explicitly speak of something I don't believe in, but I politely ignore them.

I sent a "Christmas Survey" out to a lot of my friends. I didn't stop to think of who I was sending it to, but judging by the responses I got to the following question, I should have eliminated those with a brain too small to understand my answer:

Question: Do you have a nativity scene?

My Answer: No. I don't celebrate Christmas that way because I'm not religious. I celebrate Christmas as a time to show the people in your life that you love and appreciate them and to see the peace that's possible in the world, no matter what your beliefs are.

I guess my all-should-respect-others hippie thinking when it comes to religion is a lot to ask for. My point was that no matter what you believe in or don't believe in, you should be able to do so without persecution. Silly me! After all, why should we respect others? Why should we think that there could be more than one way to look at things?

I'm glad she showed me what a true friend is...and why she shouldn't be considered my friend any longer.

There's nothing like a little anger and hate to remind you of the real reason for the season... ;)

Another American Family is Destroyed

I looked this up after reading my friend Jason's blog.

Here is a snippet from Lewis Black's HBO comedy special, Red, White & Screwed:

"Homosexuality is a threat to the family. Are you kidding me? How? No one ever explains it. How? It's not like there's a Jehovah's Witnesses of gaydom. 'Hi, we're here, we're queer, we're here, we're queer. I brought swatches! I brought swatches!'

But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe there are a group of gay banditos who get into a van every day and wander from village to dell. And as night begins to fall, they go back into a suburban neighborhood to that cul-de-sac where only one house stands. And in the window this young American family is setting down to their first meal and these queers don their black cloaks and hoods and matching pumps--very tasteful--and they charcoal up their faces and sneak up to that house...and open the door...and START FUCKING EACH OTHER IN THE ASS!

AND ANOTHER AMERICAN FAMILY IS DESTROYED!"

Isn't that the funniest?

I Saw a Tool at Home Depot

I just got done with my outdoor Christmas decorations. Yes, it took that long. First I got a 6-outlet power stake with a timer that turned on at dusk. So I spent last night stringing lights along the ground on flimsy little plastic spikes after plugging them in to the timer. I was derailed when I lost a few plastic spikes (I found them with a flashlight), but I finally finished. I stood back to critique my work and then the lights went out. Then they came on. Then they went out. Then they came on.

I tapped on the living room window and yelled in to Dan, "Is Katie playing with the switch?" (My dad hooked us up with a switch on our outlet so we could turn the lights on and off without going outside.)

"No," he answered.

Then it dawned on me.

They turn on at dusk. My breathtaking lights were making it think it was daylight!

For some reason, it didn't turn off until I was completely done rigging them up. Frustrated, I turned off everything and went inside.

So today I went and got a new timer that turns on and off without a light sensor. So there, stupid timer.

I thought I was done but I realized I needed an adapter for my other set of lights, so off to Home Depot I went. Again. I was seriously beginning to question my need for outdoor lighting.

So I went to Home Depot by myself. I never know where anything is in that place, so I was wandering around aimlessly for a while. Then I remembered where the electrical stuff was, so I headed there. As I walked, I suddenly heard a squeak-ish, tap-ish sound and a loud "GASP!" to my left. I turned my head and saw Dan's father--who looked like he had stumbled upon a mountain lion or something. I just scoffed at him and kept walking. I kept walking and didn't look back but chuckled to myself. It's amusing that I could bring such fear into a grown man that he would feel like he has to scurry away from me.

The funny thing is that if he hadn't made such an awful "GASP!" sound and squeak his shoes from stopping, I wouldn't have even noticed him there.

Why was he so afraid of seeing me? The smartass I'm married to said it's probably because Home Depot has a lot of heavy objects that could cause physical damage if thrown and I have been known to throw objects at in-laws.

Hmmm...I guess I could picture myself wielding numchucks that I made out of nearby broomsticks.

I brought up the fact that the Home Depot was on my turf. Yes, I live in a West Side Story kind of universe where you don't cross into your enemy's territory. Home Depot is 2 miles from me and much further for him. I win.

Although I would have loved if I NEVER saw him again in my life (as I told him the last time I had contact with him two years ago), seeing that man made me feel powerful. I went and got my plug and all the while I was feeling victorious because I know that his failed relationship with his son is his fault. He and his family may have accused me of doing horrible things and think I ruined their family, but we both know the truth. That is why he shit his pants when he saw me and wanted to run away. That is why I smirked at him and laughed--because he's pathetic. That is why I blasted Pink's "So What" all the way home, singing the lyrics at the top of my lungs, laughing at my own little joke: "Guess what?/I'm having more fun/and now that we're done/I'm going to show you tonight/I'm alright/I'm just fine/and you're a tool."

Anyway, the plug fit and my lights are done. They shine brightly on a house filled with love. I'm alright and he's a tool.