July 16, 2007

Letter to My In-Laws

You may not be aware of it, but I do not want to speak
to you and under no circumstances do I want you to
speak to me. I am only replying in order to clear up
any confusion you may have and in order to say this:

Do not contact me in ANY form.


Yes, kids, this is my 100th post. Nothing like a little personal angst to celebrate the milestone and sum up my weekend. Dan and I were actually analyzing the email with more gusto than Lincoln had when composing the Gettysburg Address. (And here's a tidbit of useless knowledge I've gotten from the History channel: he did NOT write it on an envelope, as in the popular myth.)

Why the gusto? Well, the recipent has a tendency to misread or invent emotions or lack thereof out of what most people would consider the simpliest and most specific wording possible. Four score and seven years ago I tried to communicate with my in-laws, but it didn't work.

Me: I think I should say "you may not be aware of it" because that's a possibility and I feel like it will...
Dan: What do you mean? The fact that we haven't talked to them and have been ignoring them for nine months isn't enough to make them aware of it?
Me: Uh, obviously not.

Anyway, in other news...

I made Gumbo for dinner and it turned out too spicy. I guess I went too heavy on the cayenne pepper, although the sausage might have added too much kick on its own.

Yeah, it's a slow night.

But perhaps I will write more often now that I think my computer is getting a tad bit better. The flashing screen has not given me any seizures so far and perhaps it's my imagination, but it appears to be not as much of a pain in the ass as it was recently. See? I'm a forgiving person. Just ask my in-laws.

July 13, 2007

Car for Sale (I'll Even Throw in Free In-Laws!)

Psst...know anyone who wants to buy a 2002 Sunfire? It would help my blog, believe it or not. I figured as soon as I sell my car, I'm going to buy a new laptop. I fired up the ol' computer and I'm being distracted by the flickering screen (it must have to refresh between each word I type) and the gray hue of the safety mode it's running in. But I need to write right now.

I remember posting on a Friday the 13th a while back. I don't like them because they always seem to be annoying or downright terrible. Maybe it's just that we take notice of things that happen on a day that's supposed to be something. The email I just received has my stomach turning in angry, sickening twists: It was from my father-in-law, sent directly to MY email address. Imagine that!

In case you're not keeping score, I have not spoken to my husband's family since, well, in a long while. I screamed some obscenities through the phone in January, but I don't know if that would count. Ever since then it's been quiet. Perhaps too quiet. I knew the day would come when he would assume that I would bump my head or take LSD and forget all the horrible things they've done. (No amount of bumps could do that. I'm not sure about drugs. Maybe I should have tried something...nah, that wouldn't work either.) Anyway, it seems like I am dealing with someone who has amnesia himself or is just the dumbest man on the planet. I believe the latter.

In an effort to appear as if nothing has EVER happened, we have been invited to a cookout. Awww, how sweet. Except the last I heard, we have not spoken to them in months! I think I'm being stalked, and it's not even someone who I enjoyed being with at some point in the past.

Anyway, despite the email, this Friday the 13th is a good one so far. I could put up with stupid people every few moons. But I am thankful for the health of my husband and daughter. It was two different Friday the 13ths that I sat crying in a hospital wondering if they would make it. So today is a good day, even if my Sunfire isn't selling, I have a cold in the middle of July, and my in-laws are assholes.

Today is a VERY good day.