June 06, 2008

Anger Affects Aim

Wow, I had no idea that it's been so long since my last post. I guess time gets away from you more in summer. There's more to do and I have less interest in sitting in front of a computer.

But here I am. I wish I could say that it isn't related to the rush of adrenaline I had earlier. I felt like I could run around the block about 60 times and still be flying. It was the fight or flight instinct and I fought. It's amazing what a little rage will do to you. The one person I had hoped I would never see again in my life showed up at my doorstep tonight. Let's just say that I threw a fit and then I threw a potted mum...first at her (however, anger affects aim) then at her truck.

But enough about my emotional breakdown. I have been thinking of some productive musings I would post on here when I finally got around to it. So, here's some of them. (I would certainly hope I would have had more productive thoughts in two months than this short list.)

1. Red Bull doesn't give me wings. That's right, kids. I tried it, but I didn't like it. It tastes like antifreeze (or what I believe antifreeze would taste like) and it didn't give me extra energy. That's pretty funny, too, because fountain soda makes me act like a six-year-old at Chuck E. Cheese's. Go figure.

2. My brain is an asshole. My brain has been choosing to turn on me in the middle of the night. For instance, the other night I woke up believing I was seeing someone coming towards me. Although I have had this kind of nightmare before, my brain finds it funny convincing me that THIS TIME IT'S FOR REAL AND YOU'RE BEING ATTACKED! and that I need to scream and kick to protect myself and my family. I argue with my brain for what seems like minutes but must be nanoseconds and my brain wins...I scream loudly and kick into the air, scaring everyone within a two-mile radius of my house. My brain laughs wildly. I vow not to use my brain anymore.

3. A mother's love stretches across species. The aforementioned mum-throwing incident aside, I believe a mother's love is unlike any other. So it was my sad experience to see a mother duck and her small, helpless chicks stuck in a closed lane on the turnpike...no doubt in impending doom. She looked frantic and I wished I could have helped her. I have no idea how they got into the situation, but I like to think she got out of it okay. Nature has a funny way of breaking things.

4. A lack of therapy left me flat on my back. My therapist picked the worst time to change his workplace. It left me without a professional voice for a few months. I guess there's no good time to lose your therapist, though. They kind of have that sort of thing on lock down.

5. Planning a murder is easy. Knowing what to do to afterward is the difficult part. Or so I've learned from my favorite new show, Snapped. It's basically about women who--get this!--snap and kill a loved one, usually a husband for insurance money or a cheating boyfriend. It's on Oxygen, which I believe is supposed to be television for women, but I'm not sure that's the healthiest thing for a female to watch. (See #2.) I blame TiVo because somehow it thought I'd like a show about murderous women. And damn, it was right! Dan is freaked out. He's convinced I'm researching.

6. I can no longer diss the unruly women that freak out on reality tv. After tonight, I make shoe throwing look kind of tame. Maybe I should put my rage to good use and apply to be on Flavor of Love.


Glenn said...

Note to self:
Announce yourself before showing up at Kel's house.

1. RedBull is NASTY! Starbucks Venti Mocha with an extra shot keeps me alive...and fat.
2. My brain thinks it's funny to go into overdrive before I go to sleep.
3. Seriously I agree with you on the mom thing but stupid people shouldn't breed and neither should stupid ducks.
4. Blogging is therapy and a helluvalot cheaper.
5. Ok maybe therapy is a good thing.
6. Flavor of Love? You just lost six cool points for actually admitting to watching that.

Kel said...

Well, Glenn, I didn't actually watch Flavor of Love, but I have seen enough to know that those women are a piece of work! (I did enjoy Mo'Nique's Charm School, embarassly enough. Although I did catch it as one of those all-day marathons.)

And don't worry, I would never throw a mum at you! :)