Letter to an Abducter

Okay, I should be doing some work for my Psych class, but instead I'm writing some useless info here. Such is the age of the internet.

Dan is away on business tonight, so I have to stay home all by myself. I lived alone for years while in college, but I have gotten used to having someone there with me. Last time I was home alone I kept my paranoid ass awake by wondering what each little noise was. Of course, we did just buy a house when that happened. I don't exactly know what I'm afraid of sometimes. I guess it's from watching too much Unsolved Mysteries as a kid.

THIS PROGRAM IS ABOUT UNSOLVED MYSTERIES! WHENEVER POSSIBLE, ACTUAL FAMILY MEMBERS AND POLICE OFFICALS HAVE PARTICIPATED IN RECREATING THE EVENTS. WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO SEE IS NOT A NEWS BROADCAST!

Yeah, I liked it a bit too much.

So, here's a little letter to a prospective abducter. I think you ought to think twice.

Dear Mr. Abducter,
I appreciate you considering me for your abduction. However, you should know that I have spent countless hours watching Unsolved Mysteries and I consider myself very good at recognizing landmarks purely by sound. I carry red lipstick so I could go into the ladies' room and write a "Help" message and I am not afraid to make eye contact with someone should you take me foolishly out to eat. I cannot be brainwashed (believe me, Christians try it all the time) and I know enough to run in a crooked line should you try to fire at me. I am a highly-qualified TV watcher and have numerous hours worth of experience.

Thanks anyway,
Kelly