I already broke my goddamn New Year's resolution and it's not even January 1st! Does it count if you break it before January? I had the idea that I wouldn't say or think anything mean. Yeah, I know it's a huge resolution. I think it lasted about 10 minutes.
Things have been frustrating and annoying since my last romantic post, even though my husband and baby continue to amaze me with love. I'm not sure I want to discuss the "issue," though. Part of the problem is actually my honesty and my insane need to write when I am frustrated and angry. And of course I choose to write on a public forum. If nothing else, this post will be cryptic. Things are very messed up in one area of my life, although it's not really an area that I very much care about. However, it seems like lately it's been consuming us like a fire storm even though I'd love to just throw it all away. I think I have emotionally done that, but Dan hasn't quite yet and I'm attempting to help him do that. But right now Dan is sick of talking about it and Katie is amusing herself with a rattling toy in the living room, so I came on here to make peace with my own words. I guess I have. After listening to a little KT Tunstall (I highly recommend it) I feel better:
"Miniature disasters and minor catastrophes
Bring me to my knees
Well I must be my own master
Or a miniature disaster will be
It will be the death of me"
I like the idea of minor catastrophes. That's basically our problem as humans. We like to think our problems are SO important. Just watch the History channel or Discovery and you'll find that we're one celestial rock away from the end.
So in order to make sense of my "minor catastrophe," I just spent an hour going through past posts because I was looking for evidence of something. I wound up reading a lot of crap that my own mind produced, but mostly I read memories of my old workplace and Jason. I miss Jason. Hell, I even began missing Bitchony and the way me and Jay used to roll our eyes in disgust and hate. Ahhh, sweet memories.
All of this could be summed up as cryptically as above with my own quote:
"...because I don't know how to say 'fuck off' in Latin!"