Boring Saturday Night

You Scored an A

You got 10/10 questions correct. It's pretty obvious that you don't make basic grammatical errors. If anything, you're annoyed when people make simple mistakes on their blogs. As far as people with bad grammar go, you know they're only human. And it's humanity and its current condition that truly disturb you sometimes. The It's Its There Their They're Quiz

My Therapist Told Me...

My therapist told me last night that I am spending too much energy thinking about things that I shouldn't be thinking about. I didn't need someone else to tell me that, but it does motivate me to change my thinking.

I asked him what to do about cards and/or gifts that may arrive from my in-laws. I told him I don't want to accept anything from them, especially because I know they might be encouraged and think they're making some kind of progress. They might get ideas about things magically working out between us because of a stupid greeting card. (That's not MY idea; they actually think things like that.)

"But by sending cards back, you're letting them have power over you," he explained. "You're being consumed by trying to change their thinking. And since they twist things around to suit themselves, you would never succeed anyway."

"They're 'engaging' me, is that what you mean?" I asked. (I like to dabble in psychology.)

"Exactly. Don't spend your energy trying to think of what they will think or do. So what if they think things are fine and that you're holding the card they've sent to your heart? When they don't hear from you and your actions don't change, they'll know it didn't work."

The DUH God had spoken.

I was mad hearing those words. I was mad that I had had that idea before. It came to me like a gentle, nurturing butterfly and I hastily shooed it away. I was mad that Dan had told me the same thing and was right. I was mad Dan's lack of action actually worked in his favor. And I was mad that I had let myself become some sort of victim. I was mad at myself.

For five minutes, I was mad. Then it dawned on me that--yes--I could change everything.

But you know what I'd like to do? I'd like to open the cards just to see if there is cash in them. If there is, I'll remove it (without reading the card, of course), and take it down the street to the homeless man who stands on the corner. The corner next to the new housing community with houses starting in the low $300's. I get angry when I pass by those houses and a homeless man is juxtaposed with them. Something is wrong with that picture.

I will give the money to him and I will feel GOOD about it. I have decided to take the anger and revenge in my heart and flush it out with pure nothingness. I will disconnect and I will sincerely not care.

And I'll finally get what I've been looking for: peace.

Tootsie Roll Pop of Mourning

First, I watched the VMAs and I have a few comments about Britney Spears. First of all, there are plenty of people who would LOVE to have her body because she is NOT fat, including myself. (And if I had a genie-style wish that I could customize, I would get her 1998 VMA body and throw in Justin Timberlake for good measure, but I digress.) Even if she were fat, it should be about her voice. Of course, she shouldn't wear a bra and panties on stage if she wants people to focus on her voice and not on her post-pregnancy body. She's kind of like a car wreck that you can't help but watch: disturbing, yet, honestly, embarrassingly interesting.*

Second, I don't know why I torture myself every 9/11 by watching the memorial services and shows about the widows and parent-less children. I guess I feel like it falls under the "car wreck" statement above. I remember seeing the South Park episode about 9/11 and it showed Stan's mother lying on the couch glazed over from watching all the coverage. I was like that, just because I found it terribly interesting and disturbing at the same time. I cried every September 11th for the past six years including this one when I watched a young woman who lost her mother say that her mom had been her best friend and her "everything." I couldn't help but cry because I thought of losing my mom. I'm sure it doesn't help how those people lost people they cared about. It's terribly sad when anger surrounds a death. It's almost as if the anger seals you off from healing because it takes so long to get past that. It's like a messed-up Tootsie Roll Pop of Mourning. (That sounds somewhat funnier than I really mean.)

Third, Katie took her first steps on Monday. She's only 11 months today...I just wanted to brag for a moment. Thanks.


*As a side note, I don't like car accidents. I happened upon an accident a couple of weeks ago where a guy got hit by a car and I freaked out and turned the car around so I wouldn't have to see any more than I did. Just thought I'd mention that so you don't think I'm some weird "Crash" person.