First Comes Love, Then Comes...

My best friend just called to tell me she had a little girl. It's always going to be an odd sensation when I hear that people I know are pregnant or have had a baby. I am very, very happy for my friend, but there's a part of me that feels sad. I'm not sure why. I will have a baby of my own in literally weeks, but I can't help but feel disappointed. I wish I knew where these feelings come from. I guess they're left over from my infertility. My brain has not made the transition yet. I doubt it ever will.

I wasn't nervous about labor until she called me last night to tell me her water broke. She was sitting in the hospital with her husband. She is the first friend ever to call me to let me know she was in labor and I guess it brought a personal experience to light for me. I know it sounds stupid, but I hadn't really pictured myself in labor until last night. My friend's call made the upcoming event come alive. I was suddenly nervous and scared. Maybe I was feeling that way for her, since she told me that she was very nervous.

To hear her calm, excited voice today makes me feel somewhat better. Maybe it's my hormones or maybe it's something else, but I am confused by own emotions. If only my brain could figure things out...