October 11, 2006

Oh, Due Date, Why Do You Tease?

I just got awakened from a nap by Jehovoh's Witnesses. That makes me angry. Of course, I don't know who I'm more angry with--the two teenage girls who were giggling rather comfortably on my front porch as I looked out the peephole; or my husband, who said, "Uh, sure, yeah," when they mentioned coming back sometime to discuss God. See, I just ignore them and let them stare at my closed door, but Dan answers the door and takes their religious bullshit literature. (His latest giddy idea is to have literature of his own on Darwin on hand that he could exchange with them.) He's too sweet to tell them to get lost and I always seem to be here by myself when they decide to come back. Of course, if I wasn't in my frog pajamas I would have answered the door and told them to leave and never come back while mumbling something about Devil Spawn. I am certainly not convert-able and I certainly don't want to talk religion with strangers on my front porch. Strangely, we seem to be on their list now because they only visit our house...I think they're being sent by the JW's across the street. They had a meeting last night (their weekly meetings are usually Thursday) and I imagine some sort of Hitler-ish bunker where my black-and-white picture, blown up to 200% with a caption that reads TARGET, sits on an easel as they discuss my religious possibilities. In my opinion, religion should always be private. Then again, I have better things to do than to knock on doors and talk about God. Better things like..nap. And eat Doritos. And wait for my baby to be born.

Speaking of which, today is my due date. The only joke I could come up with involved Bobby Brown and his child payments being due--both are late and it's easy to doubt they will ever come--but I figured it was too stupid to write on here. So now I just wait. The most annoying part is people calling to see if I had the baby yet. Luckily, they have only called Dan or my mom, but I keep thinking how f'ed up that is to think we would FORGET to call with that kind of news. Could I possibly overlook the birth of my long-awaited child? Would Dan talk to his grandmother and be like, "I know I'm forgetting to tell you somet...oh! Two weeks ago Kelly gave birth!"

I must need a nap. Or Doritos. Or to give birth.


Jason Hughes said...


You aren't a convertible?

I'm thinking you'll pop out the lil' baby today... you know, with your luck being what it is and being Friday the 13th and all...


Punky said...

I had that happening and it got to a point where I was getting telemarketer calls from them asking me about my relationship with God...I have a non-practicing mormon friend who said to tell them you've decided to become Mormon and they will run in the other direction.
That was a year ago, they used to come bi-monthly...I haven't seen them since!

FCSuper said...

Hopefully congrats are in order for your new entry to the family. :)

There's no real magic to keeping the JW's from coming. They will always check back eventually.

I used to be one of them, until I educated myself on reality. I've been looking forward to encountering them at my door of my new house to have some fun with them. but alas, the only time they came I didn't hear them while I was in the shower. humph lol