November 07, 2007

I Wonder As I Wander...

I'm listening to Christmas music right now. My old co-worker and desk-sharer Jason could tell you that I enjoy it more than your average person. I would love when the crappy easy-listening station at work would start playing Christmas music around this time of year. I don't think they even waited until after Thanksgiving. I'm not sure why I love it so much. I certainly don't listen to it for the religious meaning. I enjoy the holiday for the pure joy of giving to others. Everyone seems to take a moment out of their busy lives and enjoy being with each other, and if religion is the original reason, then I applaud it. I just think Christmas music reminds me of such a pleasant time of the year and of the many happy memories I have had through the years. Dean Martin crooning takes me back to my mom and dad's kitchen, warm from Mom's baking turkey and pies, filled with inevitable laughter from one of Dad's jokes.

This year is completely different for me, in a good way. I really feel like a child again. I know this year I will not have to deal with drama from my in-laws like we did last year and all the years before. I sometimes wonder if they know the true cost of their spite and selfishness and how grateful I am for it. I am truly enjoying the holidays for the first time in nearly ten years. I am looking forward to Thanksgiving and Christmas like when I was a kid. It's an amazing feeling. I am so excited!

I just got back from the store where I bought ornaments (unbreakable, of course), lights, wrapping paper, and evergreen garland. Yes, it's a bit early, but I feel lighter. I feel like a weight has been lifted and in its place a wonderful, bright-eyed child has been placed. Katie makes me excited, even if she herself can't truly understand what everything means yet. She looks at the lights and the trees and says "Ooooh" with her curled lips and I just melt.

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