My Best Friend

I had a doctor's appointment today and I got to hear the baby's heartbeat. I know that I should be all mushy about it, but I'm not. The nurse looked up at me with doe eyes and said romantically, "Isn't that wonderful?!" and I said, "Ummm. Yeah." Maybe it's just my mood today. Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy to hear it, but I think I would feel better if I could see it. A few more weeks for that...

Of course then I go and piss myself off by visiting a blog of someone who used to be a good friend of mine. Back in college we were very close (I hate the term "best friend," but I guess you could use that). I have lost touch intentionally because she doesn't really want me to be happy and probably never did. It's a weird line and it was hard for me to come to terms with it. She was always selfish in a way, but I really thought she cared about me. It just seems that a lot of my so-called friends were friends when it was easy and when they needed me. I feel used and I'm too old for that now.

At this point I don't have any close friends for the most part (physically, anyway) because I don't have the time. But it's for another reason, too: I realize that most people drain me of energy and require too much from me without giving anything back. I guess it hurts because you think you're important to someone and then as time goes on, you realize that they probably just don't care. After hours of listening to her boyfriend trouble, listening and caring, she doesn't even care that I'm happy. In fact, she doesn't like the fact that I'm happy. (She never did admit it's because she had a serious crush on the guy I would eventually marry.)


I'm happy. I'm happy and in love with my best friend. I guess sometimes that term can be used.

Even Seinfeld Bombs at Times

Okay, I just thought I'd write and tell you that Bethany, the most annoying coworker in the entire world, left for good yesterday. Everyone is so thrilled! And, you know, it's funny, but everyone seems to be in a particularly good mood today. There's laughing and smiling...it's like Bush's term came to an end or something. ;)



In other news, I announced to my Special Education class last night that I am pregnant. I didn't mean to, it just happened. I had been telling my friends how freaked out I was by the class. Every class we discuss every possible thing that can go wrong during a pregnancy. And for me and my issues, it's not a very comforting place to be. I swear, every week I feel like crap when I leave there. So at one point they started laughing and said they know how I must feel.

Well, the prof asked what was up, so I told her (and, incidentally, the entire class in the process) that I'm pregnant and that the class is really freaking me out. Everyone turned to look at me. I laughed and said how my mom told me I shouldn't go to that class anymore (as if I'm going to drop with 2 weeks left) and the professor actually said that I could leave if I felt uncomfortable. Of course, then I felt like crying. I'm not sure if it was everyone looking at me with "awwwww" eyes or the fact that everyone missed the humor of it. I meant the whole thing as a "funny, haha" kind of comment, but it ended up being a "you'll be okay" moment.

I guess even Seinfeld bombs at times.

Free T-Shirts! Get 'Em While They're Revolting!

Ahhh...it's another beautiful day and I was enjoying my lunch until this fat, ugly lady walked into Quizno's. Although her misshapen fat rolls would scare most children, I was repulsed by her shirt. On the front was a picture of a dead fetus with the words ABORTION KILLS BABIES. (Of course, I'm not mentioning the fact that the "fetus" on her shirt was, like, four months old and probably 15 pounds.)

According to the back of her shirt, it was National Pro-Life T-shirt day and the pro-lifers were kind enough to hand out those beauties. Now as I made a face at her back to say, "Ugh, Lady!" I couldn't help think a mean thought: Who the hell would have sex with THAT beast?!

And perhaps in my moment of fury and malice I came up with a reason why SHE wears that shirt. She obviously saves a lot of money on the ol' birth control pills. I don't think anyone is buying a ticket to that ride.

Beauty, Splendor, and Other Crap

Holy Christ, it's so beautiful outside my work window. The colors of spring are so brilliant. The sky is bright blue, the trees are blooming in hues of cream and pink, and the grass is as green as, well, grass. I want to take off my shoes and go frolic in the beauty and splendor of the scenery. Well, frolic until I got a sliver or stubbed my toe. Then Mother Earth could kiss my ass. :)

Of course spring came a little earlier this week when we all found out that Know-It-All put in her two-week notice and is leaving next week! Woo hoo! I think I just saw a little chipmunk outside doing a dance.


Okay, the other day I heard my mom say something I never thought I'd hear her say. We were stopped at a stoplight and a guy pulled up beside us and had his windows down and his rap music blaring. I suppose I made a face that said something like Sheesh! Kids these days, eh? and my mom said, "You know, that kind of music has a lot of meaning to it. They say things in those songs! And who doesn't want to blast music they love? I know I do!"

Huh?

That's right, kids. My mom was defending rap music. Aren't people over 40 supposed to be afraid of it? I wish I could say at this point in the story that I got out my Kanye West or Eminem CD and blew her freakin' liberal ear drums out, but frankly, I was a little stunned. What has Larry King been discussing on his show lately, anyway!?

I Don't Get Bumperstickers

I don't get bumperstickers.

I like them, but I don't get them. Does anyone think that they will change minds by putting a little sticky piece of paper on their car? Are undecided people wandering around until they see a bumpersticker? Are people mindless enough to change their views when stopped at a stoplight? Something like: Jeez, I used to think that cats were just for killing, but now that I saw that SPCA sticker, I'm a changed man!

I used to have a bumpersticker taped in my window. (I know, I know, two issues: But does it HAVE to go on the bumper? And I'll admit permanent glue scares me.) It said: They can send me to college, but they can't make me think. Everyone used to get a kick out of it, especially all my friends at Penn State. And my parents, who probably believed it at times. So I guess I'm more about amusing people when I drive than shoving my views down their drive shaft. Hahaha. (Yes, I also watch Lost.)

I did have a bumpersticker taped (okay, okay, I'm either an issue committment phobe or really afraid of sticky glue) recently that said: Just say no to sex with pro-lifers. People (okay, pro-choicers) used to get a kick out of it.

My favorite bumpersticker? Every Child a Wanted Child.

No, wait, it's actually: Visualize Whirled Peas. That's actually my favorite bib of all time, too.

But I Vote Pro-Life doesn't do anything for me. Well, except that I want to rip it off their ugly Buick LaSabres. And yes, I'm picking on LaSabres. If you have one and are pro-choice, let me know and I'll change it to some kind of ugly minivan. Those middle-aged mothers are SO over sex.

Beauty of the Spring

Okay, so I don't really have anything of merit to write, but I feel obligated. I don't know by whom or what, but I do. There are a lot of times throughout the day when I say to myself, "I'll have to write about that on my blog."

But I never do.

I guess I'm losing interest in writing to an imaginary audience. The first thing they teach you in Writing 101 is to know your audience. But I have no idea who could be reading this. Or why they would care what I have to say.

I was marveling at the buds on the trees today...
and how blue the sky is...
and how the wind was blowing hair into my face...

I think that's what's important to me now. Every day that goes by is a little gift.

I realized the other day that I will only have to wait until those yet-to-be born leaves bloom, go through their life cycle, turn beautiful colors, and fall to the ground...

But I don't want to rush the beauty of the spring.