Lucy Stoners Don't Need Boners

A lot of women are going back to traditional roles because they don't think there's any reason to fight anymore. We take women's rights for granted and assume that society naturally accepted them.

A lot of women laughed at me, a proud Lucy Stoner, when I kept my birth name when I got married. "Why would you want to do THAT?" they mocked. I'm no less married, no less committed than they are (if not more) and with the divorce rate nearing 60%, I'd say that marriage has a lot more to do with commitment than simply changing one's last name.

I worked very hard to make my name something I could be proud of, so why wouldn't I want to keep it? And who questions Julia Roberts or Reese Witherspoon's birth names? When a doctor keeps her birth name, women excuse it by saying that she worked hard for her doctorate. But every women has worked hard at their identity, whether an actor or doctor. Why do we devalue ourselves?

Every Child a WANTED Child

I just got finished reading an article on CNN.com about South Dakota passing an abortion ban bill that would practically limit all abortions in the state. What struck me as odd was this comment: "It is the time for the South Dakota Legislature to deal with this issue and protect the lives and rights of unborn children," said Democratic Sen. Julie Bartling, the bill's main sponsor. Uh, Democratic? My stomach is turning.

This ban worries me, as I'm sure it worries many pro-choice supporters in the country. With abortion foes running rampant (especially the head idiot) and the recent appointment of Roberts and Alito to the Supreme Court, the Court is more likely to consider overturning Roe v. Wade.

Perhaps all the women's rights in the country are being slowly stripped because women don't realize the rights they have. If you're part of my generation, you might not be aware that a short while ago women could not even vote. One thing that the suffragettes should have taught us that we should not take women's rights for granted. And one thing that the Bush Administration is teaching us is that our rights don't matter.

It's funny how most pro-life protesters are:

a. old women who cannot get pregnant
b. men who cannot get pregnant
c. innocent children who cannot get pregnant
d. childbearing-age women who are cocky enough to think it doesn't matter

There's a song by the Indigo Girls called Philosophy of Loss and it's running through my head as I write this:

Whatever has happened to anyone else
Could happen to you and to me
And the end of my youth was the possible truth
That it all happens randomly
Who is teaching kids to be leaders
and the way that it is meant to be
the philosophy of loss

It must be nice to be naive. It must be nice to think that the whole world works the same way your little town does and that people should behave and think the way you do. How could pro-lifers be so closeminded? How could they think that every situation is the same and that every abortion is done for the same reason? There are a few things that the South Dakota abortion ban bill does neglect to address: abortions performed because of pregnancies resulting from rape and incest. I guess we should all move to South Dakota because they obviously don't have any rapists, there's no inappropriate behavior, no birth defects, and hell, every child is a wanted child there!

It must be nice to be naive.

Be Kind.

Okay, I'm not really sure how to say this, so I'll just say it:
I'm pregnant.

Could I have possibly "solved" my productive musings in a measly
43 entries? It would appear so.

After a scare on Monday and Wednesday, the nurse from my newly-appointed OB office called me today to say that my hormone levels are very high, which is "very good." Sure, things could go wrong. But for right now, at 4:04 pm, I am pregnant. For those two nights I sat in my bathroom with one prayer on my breath, repeating it over and over to whoever or whatever was going to listen: Be Kind.

After the past five years I know that odd things could happen but I am trying to stay positive. It's a weird feeling. I woke up this morning and ran to get the pregnancy test because I really thought I must have been dreaming last night. But there it was in all its Clear Blue glory: a bright blue plus sign.

Be Kind.

My Darling Daniel

He makes me smile with a look from across the room.
He makes me laugh when my heart is full of tears.
He makes me feel beautiful even when I think I'm not.
He warms me by holding me in his arms.
He dries my tears even when I think they will never end.
He puts me to sleep with a good night kiss.
He makes me feel as though I could float.
He makes my toes curl.

He makes me believe in happily ever after.



Happy Valentine's Day!

Until Next Time

Why am I at work?

Well, kids, because adults have all kinds of places they have to be when they don’t want to. (That’s something that know-it-all doesn’t know. Or maybe she does. Maybe she’s smarter than me because she called off for what I could only imagine is a bad case of the sniffles, but I’m sitting here and will probably have to cover her work today in some kind of cosmic irony that I just don’t have the humor for today. I’m certainly happy she’s not here, but I’m bitter that I am because of some damn work ethic that only I seem to possess.) But I also have class tonight and I can’t ditch it because I have a huge assignment that is due.

In all fairness to myself, I didn’t realize my situation until I was ready to leave the house. Besides, I’d only be sitting at home, so I may as well be here and be getting paid. Then again I would at least have a hot pad at home for these killer cramps that would make most grown men cry. (And they say a woman can’t be president—ha!)

I should know better. I feel like a little kid who keeps holding her hand to a flame or something because she just doesn’t learn. I keep thinking things will be different. I keep hoping and I just can’t stop doing that to myself. What a fucking idiot I am.

Of course, I know it could be worse. It could always be worse. And somehow I know this and will realize that it’s for the best. Somehow I will cope with my helplessness until next time.

Medium, Manilow, and Mush

Man, I must be developing my psychic skills or something. Not only have I been thinking of odd things right before they have been happening, but a few minutes ago I distinctly heard someone call out my name. (And no, it wasn't someone at work; it was a strange voice. And no, I don’t watch Medium.)

I'm no psychic, (Boy, what a great transition! My English teacher would be so proud!), but... okay, I don't know where I'm going with that, but it would have been a great transition.

Can you believe that Barry Manilow has the number one album in the country? What is the world coming to? (Bush should have foiled that.) I was forced to listen to Barry Manilow during one very long drive to Ocean City, NJ in the summer of '96. My friend thought At the Copa Cobana was a great tune. Yeah, I don't know why I didn't have a boyfriend in high school either.

In other news, I just spent $4.99 on a Valentine’s Day card. I’ll admit that I am one of those snots who love Hallmark cards. The mushier, the better. I found out Dan already bought my card when I noticed that he had glitter on his face the other night. It was either that he had been pawing through some glitzy wife cards or he was with a stripper. (He only admitted to the Hallmark part.)

Pet Peeve #243

It's me again, bringing you my pet peeve #243:

People who complicate things for no good reason

Case in point: I have no class tomorrow! [enter cheers here.] Of course, the prof assigned a group project for a 10-minute presentation that is to be discussed online through email. No problem, right? Well, the idiots in my group want to meet tomorrow night when we would normally have class! [enter jeers here.] And get this: the presentation isn't being graded.

I'm now that no-good loafer who's hardly contributing anything that I used to get aggravated with in high school. Karma at it's finest.

***

Can't wait for Lost tonight!!

Happiness is...

Wow, five days since my last post. Can you tell I've been busy?

It's that time...

My 10-year reunion is this year! First of all, I can't believe I'm that old. I remember making fun of my brother and his friend (my drama teacher) when they were discussing their 10-year reunion. Of course, when you're 16, ten years seems like a long way off. (See above for further reference.)

What I find most disturbing about the whole thing is that I have changed, but no one would probably be able to tell. I haven't moved to California, I haven't changed my clothes much, I haven't even bought an expensive car. While others were off chasing happiness, I have found it. I guess I always had it. It's inside of me and I can't really show it off for one day out of ten years. Why would I want to, anyway?

I guess I have to be content knowing that happiness is not a BMW. I could buy one, but I don't need one. I have what I need and I can't hold it in my hands.

Hey Kids! Write Your Own Sex Book!

After I input (no pun intended) ten pages of a romance novel at work today, it became apparently clear that anyone can write one. So, as an exercise á la Mad Libs, I have designed my own lesson plan. Now you, too, could write your own steaming love fest today!

Note: You must use at least 15 of the following words in the first paragraph:

Verbs
aching
pulsing
clenching
arching
swelling
probing
shuddering
throbbing
gasping

Nouns
maleness
manhood
shaft
smooth mounds
hot passage
rod

Adjectives
lusty
magnificent
large
fierce
hard
wet
steamy
fire-hot
dripping

Proud to be an American?

I found myself wondering if I should even become a teacher while sitting in my Intro to Education class last night. The topic of some 14-year-old kid that refused to say the Pledge of Allegiance came up, and it seemed like so many of my classmates were outraged. The kid is an atheist and says that the Pledge promotes Nationalism. I think his moxie is kind of cool.

I personally refused to "remain standing for a moment of silence" in my high school on the basis of separation of church and state, which usually is just a term people use. I remember watching The Little Rascals (from the 30's) and they left out the under God part. Of course, The Little Rascals was never a model of political correctness.

Anyway, the class all seemed to agree that the anti-Pledge kid should be ashamed and that (this one got to me) if he doesn't want to pledge to the flag of the United States of America, he shouldn't live in America! But isn't that the whole point of being an American? To all who take this stance, I have my old standby reply (which came originally from my dad):

I may not agree with your opinions, but I'll defend your right to have them.

Agnostics Do It Better

"I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure—that is all that agnosticism means." —Clarence Darrow

***
"Fix reason firmly in her seat, and call to her tribunal every fact, every opinion. Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason, than that of blindfolded fear."
—Thomas Jefferson


***
"The mystery of the beginning of all things is insoluble by us; and I for one must be content to remain an Agnostic."
—Charles Darwin

***

"'It would be safe to say that I'm agnostic. However, I do feel as though we owe a faith to the world and to ourselves. We owe a grace and gratitude to things that have brought us here. But I think it's very ignorant to say, `Well, for everything, God has a plan.' That's like an excuse. ... Maybe the real faithful act is to commit to something, to take action, as opposed to saying, `Well, everything is in the hand of God.'" —Dave Matthews

***

W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. "I'm looking for a loop-hole," he explained.

***

"I have observed that the world has suffered far less from ignorance than from pretensions to knowledge. It is not skeptics or explorers but fanatics and ideologues who menace decency and progress. No agnostic ever burned anyone at the stake or tortured a pagan, a heretic, or an unbeliever." —Daniel J. Boorstin

***

“There's nothing an agnostic can't do if he doesn't know whether he believes in anything or not.” —Monty Python

***

“Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
A: Someone who stays up all night wondering if there is a Dog.”
—Groucho Marx

It's That Time Again! Bring on the Pity!

Okay, just a warning: I think this is going to be a big ol' infertile pity post.

In keeping with my "productive" musings, I feel that I should point out that my fertility issues are very confused right now. Last night in my Intro to Special Education class, we were talking about kids with disabilities and the professor asked, "Doesn't it seem like some people shouldn't even have kids?" That, of course, got me thinking. It's so true. Almost every day on the news there is a story about a woman who threw her kid in the Dumpster or an innocent child beaten to death. And even if it's not that drastic, I could go to any McDonald's and point to a few sad recipients of children who should have won a lifetime of birth control...

...or better yet, infertility.

I know many of you are Christians, but there remains one burning question in my agnostic mind: How can you justify God letting certain people have children and not others? Why was Andrea Yates able to conceive? Why is Pat Robertson still alive? Why is God a big lazy bum when it comes to homeless kids and children with cancer? Why does God allow priests to diddle little boys? How could Matthew Shepard die? And if God has nothing to do with these things, why do people pray? Why (this is my personal pet peeve) do people tell you that "God will take care of you" or that things are meant to be?

(Don't say I didn't warn you.)

State of the Union

No, I didn't watch Bush's State of the Union address. To be honest, I haven't ever been able to look at him for more than 20 seconds. He's like a gruesome car accident or maybe some dog poop. I just don't have the stomach to look at that.

Okay... [pulling out my worn-out soapbox]

Men and women should be able to love and marry who they choose. They should be without persecution and we should all understand that tolerance is NOT acceptance.

Women should be able to have access to safe, legal abortions. Every child should be a wanted child. It IS a choice, especially when it is in my body. If women cannot have abortions, men shouldn't be able to whack off without it being a crime since one drop of semen contains millions of potential children.

The minimum wage must be raised. Did you ever do the math? If a person works full time for 52 weeks earning minimum wage, he or she will make a little more than ten thousand dollars! Minimum wage is $5.15 and gas is more than $3 a gallon?

As a general side note, why did everyone feel so duped and hurt by James Frey's memoir lies, but the leader of the United States has lied and cheated the American people and no one seems to care or notice? Men and women are dying each day, our rights are being questioned, our privacy is being invaded...maybe we should get Oprah involved and then people would be outraged!